I suffer from a disease of both mind and body. More importantly I have a spiritual malady, a sickness of my soul. For as long as I can remember, I have been restless, irritable and discontent. I turned to alcohol for the first time when I was 14 for what I falsely believed to be the solution to my pain.
I am a deep feeler, a sensitive and expressive girl which makes me highly intuitive and empathic. It also makes me what hubby has with both love and exasperation dubbed me. I am Hurricane Holly. My intense emotions often cause great storms. But God restores my calm. He is the anchor in my soul. God’s promise is He will be my shield. He will be my protector in every circumstance. When I dwell in the secret place of the most high, I find safety.
The Lord He is my refuge. The place where I can hide in the storm. He is my fortress. The place where I can go to find what I was always looking for in a drink. He is my God. The one who has power over every situation. The one whom I trust. God is powerful and strong to protect me from my enemies without and within. When I seek Him, I find rest for my soul. He quiets me with His love. A love that I can now fully trust in and fully surrender to. Because I can finally trust in His love, I can trust in the love of others and I can love myself. My heart is overflowing with gratitude for my tribe and for the 12 steps. I am abundantly grateful for Brian. He has been my greatest support. Because of his unwavering commitment, his ability to see the good in me when I could not see it in myself and his encouragement for me to fight for the wholeness he knew I was meant to have, I am here today crazy in love with him and living joyous and free in the life we have built. A beautiful life that I nearly tore down with my own hands.
I now know I was created with my “muchness” for a purpose. My past will be used to help others find the light out of their darkness. I am recovering today because I have had a spiritual awakening. It is my honest desire to practice these principles in all my affairs and to continue to enlarge my spiritual life.
There is One who has all power and I have found Him. He was within me all along.